Age Is But a Number, Dear
by chalantness
Summary: "One should never act surprised when finding out a lady's age." Earth-16.1 /pointless birthday fluff


**"Age Is But a Number, Dear"**

"In the end, Robin was able to copy the information from the hard drive, but the scientists escaped. Wonder Girl has already taken the girl we found to the Watchtower."

Batman nods at the end of Kaldur's summarized mission debrief. "The important part is that you remained focused and your mission still came out successful despite challenges. The girl, the information recovered, and the remains of the Department of Extranormal Operations will be further investigated by the League," he informs, "and I expect individual reports in full detail. But for now, you did well."

He receives tired smiles from the six teens standing before him.

"What time is it?" Robin yawns.

"It's a little past midnight," Batman answers, "and as much as I'd like to tell you to go to bed, you need to follow me."

They exchange looks of confusion but quickly shuffle behind him as he leads them down the long hallway. The entire place is pretty much dark, with only the light coming from the mission room where they just were, fading the further inside they go.

As they reach the end where they know by heart the kitchen is, Batman pauses and turns back to look at them, specifically, "M'gann."

The Martian jumps slightly in surprise at the sudden attention. "Um, yes, sir?" she asks.

"Happy birthday."

And suddenly the lights are being turned on, blinding them, and a flourish of bright colors are followed by the sound of party horns and several voices chorusing, "Surprise!"

M'gann blinks rapidly, stunned for a minute as her eyes and ears adjust. The closest to her are Diana and Kara, who still have bits of pink, green, and silver confetti on their hands for the rest of it had been showered over M'gann and now on her hair and clothes. J'onn, Dinah, Red Tornado, Barry, Orin, and Ollie are all standing around the kitchen island, where a three-tier cake iced in pink and green is sitting.

"Megan," Artemis asks, "why didn't you tell us it was your birthday?"

"But it's – it's not," she murmurs, truly confused, until a thought occurs to her. "Oh! _Hello, Megan_," she giggles, looking straight at her Uncle J'onn, "we're doing Julian years, aren't we?"

J'onn smiles at her. "Precisely."

"Happy birthday, Megs!" Kara exclaims, wrapping her arms around the Martian girl in a tight hug.

"You should open your presents," Robin chimes in.

"I have presents?"

He laughs and points at where Ollie and Orin are standing, just as the two men are moving aside to reveal a few wrapped boxes sitting on the counter. "They're from all of us."

"How is that possible when we—_oh,_" Wally exclaims as it all kind of sinks in, turning an accusing glare on Robin, "I _knew_ the Secret-Santa-in-the-middle-of-August thing was suspicious!"

"No you didn't," Conner corrects, "You totally bought it."

Artemis and Robin snicker at Wally, who blushes slightly and tries hitting Conner, only to yank his hand back and grumble in pain.

"You guys had a Secret Santa?" M'gann questions. "Why didn't I hear about this?"

"It was my idea," Robin says proudly. "When J'onn said he wanted to do something for your first birthday on Earth, he talked to Bats, and Bats had me find a way to get everyone to get you presents without tipping any of the others off. I just told them we were going to do this Secret Santa kind of thing as a Team surprise, and everything had to be confidential. I just told all of them they got you."

"It was a clever idea," Kaldur compliments.

"Don't sound so surprised!" Robin jokes and the two laugh and bump fists.

"What I don't get," Wally interrupts, zipping around the island, "is what _you_"—he jabs a finger at Barry—"are doing here."

"J'onn invited us, Kid," Barry laughs. "He thought having all of the mentors together to celebrate would be something M'gann would love, to give her a fuller idea of Earth birthday parties."

"After all, that's what it's supposed to be about, right?" Ollie points out. "You celebrate with family and friends."

"She'll just have to settle for us," Orin adds.

"And you knew _I_ wasn't going to miss it," Kara states matter-of-factly, "so I asked J'onn if Diana and I could get the cake."

"I think this is perfect," M'gann assures, flushed at her cheeks.

"Why don't we cut the cake, you can open your presents, and then you guys can get to bed," Dinah suggests, "because training is still in the morning and I'm not going any easier on you."

Most of the room laughs as everyone begins to pull up stools and sit around the island. J'onn stands behind M'gann and places a hand on her shoulder, and she looks beams and floats up from her seat a little to wrap her arms around him in a hug. "Thank you for this, Uncle J'onn." As she sits back down, she adds, "Thank you to everyone as well."

As Red Tornado is retrieving a knife from the drawer for M'gann to cut the cake with, the others seem to be focused on the candles arranged on the top tier.

"…ten, eleven, twelve," Wally counts, "thirteen—_wait!_ You're only _thirteen?_" he asks incredulously.

M'gann giggles from behind her hand and J'onn chuckles.

"No," Bruce corrects, "it's just easier this way. The green candles stand for ten Earth years and the pink candles for one."

"Okay, so there are four green candles and nine pink candles," Wally points out, "so you're_ forty-nine?_"

"But these are Earth years," Artemis reminds, "and there are two Earth years to every Mars year, so wouldn't that make her about twenty-four-and-a-half? Megan, I thought you were turning seventeen."

Both M'gann and J'onn are laughing now, and even Bruce has his I'm-not-at-all-amused-enough-to-smile smile on, like he might actually be refraining from a chuckle himself.

"Technically speaking, she's all of those ages," J'onn corrects. "M'gann turns forty-nine in Julian years—the three-hundred-and-sixty-five days that make up an Earth year—which _would_ make her between twenty-four and twenty-five in Martian years. But biologically, every three years on Earth is equal to one year of growth for Martians. As I am a hundred-thirty-five, I would be forty-five in Earth years."

"I won't actually turn the human biological equivalent of seventeen for two more years here," M'gann admits. "So, I still have yet to turn seventeen."

"I—whoa," Robin murmurs, "Those're… a lot of years."

"One should never act surprised when finding out a lady's age," Diana chimes in, and everyone laughs.

Dinah proceeds to lighting the candles with a match and, once they're all lit, Bruce switches the lights off, leaving them in the glow of the flames.

Beside her, Artemis links their arms together and whispers, "Make a wish, Megs." M'gann looks at her, then around at every single face that crowded around the table, until she glances back up at her Uncle J'onn. He squeezes her shoulder lightly and M'gann beams and closes her eyes, pausing slightly before drawing a breath, lifting her eyelids, and blowing out the candles.

Everyone is clapping and cheering as the lights come back on, and Red Tornado hands her the knife.

"What'd you wish for?" Wally asks.

She giggles. "It's supposed to be a secret, Wally," she reminds, digging the blade through for the first cut. "What kind of cake is it, anyway?"

Kara and Diana look at each other and burst into laughter. M'gann arches an eyebrow, and she really doesn't mean to read their minds, _really_, but it kind of happens accidentally and then she's laughing as well, throwing a hand over her mouth in a fruitless attempt to stifle herself. "Oh, dear," she gets out between giggles, looking up at her Uncle J'onn, "it has Oreos."

* * *

><p><strong>An:** In case you didn't get that ending part, Martian Manhunter had this obsession with Oreo cookies (changed to Chocos, I think) in the comics. I just thought it'd be fun to throw in.

I just wanted to poke fun at the Martian-to-Earthling age difference and it ended up being pointless birthday fluff/humor (:

Also, I have _no idea_ if I approached the Martian age scenario correctly. Apparently, M'gann is 16-years-old as the human biological equivalent and 48-years-old chronologically, but I wasn't sure if they meant chronologically in Martian years or Earth years (which are _Julian_ years—365 days—in case you were wondering why that word was in there) so that became a bit of a problem…

_So you read it. Love it? Hate it? Please review it!_


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